Moving On

So xanga has pretty much become obsolete. Everyone knows that now. But as in all things God used it for a place and a purpose. Wow. . . looking over my webblogs I have grown so much, changed so much. And the truth is I miss this, us, togetherness, sharing. We were all so close once. And we cared what we had to say. Now time has changed and so many of us have moved on. I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. You were there for me, always, sometimes silent, always watching, waiting, praying. Middle school was better because of you. You, my relief, my outlet, my home away from home. Some of the stuff written here was so stupid and pointless, yet other parts of it were . . . they just were. Writing has never truly been my one true love. But on here writing was my passion. My thoughts, my feelings, my petty grievances, my heartfelt issues, my struggle with myself and the person I wanted to be, all of it here. I will be forever touched by you. You who read, you who commented, you who stood there silent, and you who never admitted you listened, you changed me. . . .

Anyways, I've moved on. For a while I just did my own online journal but I missed actually sharing with others what was going on in my life. So I created a weblog you can visit. This is kind of a private thing I'm not actually openly sharing it around. But if you're reading this it means that you actually do care about me and what I might have to say. Go to echosandwhispers.blogspot.com . That's me. And thank you . . . . for everything.

Romania

It's come that time of the year once again where I'm starting to make decisions about the future. One of them is to decide whether I should go to Romania again or not. If it was just a question of whether I want to go or not the answer would be: I wouldn't miss it in a million years. But I'm starting to realize it's not about what I want, it's about what God wants. I really really really really really really really really want to go. But I want the trip to be based upon what God wants and what God's plan is instead of what I want. Does that make any sense? If I go and God doesn't want me there then all the fundraising, and planning, etc. will have been for naught because I forced something that God didn't want me to do. So now I'm just praying that He will show me what His will is. But its hard because how can I tell when God's really speaking and when its just my desires talking. But anyways pray for those who will or are deciding to go on this mission trip regardless of whether I'm going or not. God always shows up and He's been using these trips, especially the Romania one, to accomplish something way mroe than we could ever accomplish ourselves.

TEAM

I was thinking about the new pastor and his family. They call themselves TEAM Cummins. Now at first this seems cheesy, and it kinda is, but I really like what the TEAM stands for- Together Everyone Achieves More. This may seem like just a team motto or chant to inspire players before a game, but in all reality it's a true statement. Everyone does achieve more together. Yet, I think that this is a concept our church has yet to grasp. I think of our youth group: all the petty squabbles and drama that goes on. But if we could achieve the team unity that we had when we were in Jacksonville or at Student Life camp think of the impact we could have on our community. I know with all this change in staff we've kind of forgotten about missions, or at least as much as we used to when Scott was here, but God could really do something in Ocala if we would all just unite as one.

TOGETHER EVERYONE ACHIEVES MORE

Okay, so I definantly took a long and overdue break from the xanga site to refresh and regenerate myself. 2008. A new year filled with endless possibilities, limitless hope, and a new perspective on the winding road we call life. Looking over the past year there were mountain tops and there were valleys. There were passionate dances and lonely country numbers. There was strawberry ice cream with gummy bears in it and there was low-fat peach yogurt. In this new year I will have all sorts new experiences I will encounter and tons of new people I will meet. Yet, this year I enter in with a new understanding of life . . . well a brief glimpse of what I could not see before. In recollections of all the years past I was always depenent on my friends to usher me through the hard times. In fact, sometimes my friends were the only good in my life in a string of tough times. This realization, coupled with the fact that many of my friends are now off in college or do not come to our church anymore, made me realize how I deprived God of the credit He really deserved.  This past year (possibly due to the fact I have my driver's license too) I have been utterly alone. Sometimes this loneliness has penetrated deep into the core of my being, a most unbearable pain, that I really struggled with sometimes. But, of course, as always God was at work. He has been slowly teaching me (well He is not slow but I sure am) that He should be my sole dependence. I cannot and should not rely on my friends to be there for me but instead I need to turn to the one who will never leave me or forsake me, the one who is the bread of life, the friend to the friendless, the hope to the hopeless, the one thats love penetrates me in places I pretend don't exist. The one who is the Living Water in a dry and dusty place I call Vanguard High School. The one who is the wellspring of life in the city called Ocala.

Somehow, Disney convinced me that when the princess marries the prince she has unconditional love, a Swedish bank account, foreign friends, and a Mercedes carriage. But, at the end of the day no matter how much her husband loves her, no matter how much money and things she has, and no matter how many she friends she makes she is still going to be lonely because only Jesus can bring true peace and salvation.

This is what I learned in 2007, and yes it took me a whole year to learn it. Stand strong my fellow brothers and sisters and beware of the evil one. Fight the fight and finish the race.

God Bless, Alyssa

While in one of my afternoon ramblings through the family bookshelf I discovered a book from a seminar type of convention that my father went to. In it are the 7 spiritual gifts, what they consist of, the good qualities of those who have these spiritual gifts, and the negative aspects of having those gifts, with Bible verses to back it all up. So, I went to the gift of exhortation, which I know is my spiritual gift, and took a look at what it said. In a way it was kind of comical because some of the stuff in it pegged me so preciously it was scary. It's like they wrote a biogrpahy about me without even meeting me. Anyway, one of the negative aspects of having the gift of exhortation is the fact that an exhortationist looks to themselves for solutions. The book says and I quote, "As an exhorter gains experience and success in counseling, he tends to cateorize problems as he hears thema dn arrive at conclusions before getting all the facts. By failing to listen completely and sense direction from the Holy Spirit, an exhofter can be guilty of the folly of giving the wrong direction." As I was reading this i felt a strong urge by the Holy Spirt and I just knew that in the past couple of months this is exactly what I have been doing. I've been looking to myself for the answers and then doing what I think is best sometimes taking other people along with me, which makes it even worse. So, now that I've become aware of the problem what can I do to fix it? Well that last sentence in fact proves my point. What can I do to fix it . . . I'm always looking to myself for the answers. But I do know that God has helped me in the past, is helping me now, and will continue to help me even moreso now that I recognize one my many faults. Oh, and this is an example of how he's continually whacking me upside the head. You know that there are those times when you know God is talking to you because everybody and their momma talks about it: the preacher, the Sunday School teacher, your parents, etc. Well this is kind of like that. I mean just yesterday I was doing devotions and I was reading Proverbs 18:13 which says, "He who answers before listening-that is his folly and his shame." It just seems ironic (well its not ironic, its God) that between that verse and the "failing to listen completely and sense direction from the Holy Spirit" would be an issue not only in the same week but within a day of each other. I still get amazed by God. LOL

Love, Alyssa